


Of Ughh's & Plunrahh's

by orphan_account



Category: The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 02:05:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen's trying to get home, the Team is trying to cope...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Ughh's & Plunrahh's

It had been a long two weeks, well Jensen was guessing it had been around twelve days give or take, he had been unconscious for some of it, so it was hard to be sure. So far the meat-heads who were interrogating him, were under the misguided impression that 'interrogate', meant 'beat him, so it is physically impossible for him to answer any, and all questions', although Jensen did still talk a hell of a lot, about a shit load of nothing, but because of his injuries it sounded much more 'ughh's and 'plunrahh's, instead of his extensive vocabulary.

"Okay, I am going to ask ONCE more, where are they?" asked one of the 'meat-heads', as Jensen affectionately named them.

"And I am going to answer you 'ONCE more', you have to be more specific which 'they' are you talking about? 'They' as in the army? Everywhere. 'They' as in your illegitimate children? Probably somewhere outside...?" Jensen responded smugly.

"Frank! I am going to kill this little shit!" exclaimed the 'meat-head', who Jensen had just conversed with.

"Ahem" Jensen interrupted.

"What now?" 'Frank' asked exasperated from his buddy and Jensen.

"Your name isn't 'Frank'" Jensen answered, "It's 'Shit-For-Brains".

Jensen laughed and laughed at his oh-so-clever joke, now if he could only keep them focused on his face, so they wouldn't see him cutting through his ropes.

"Yeah, and you buddy over there is the love child of Bigfoot, and Hitler" Jensen smirked, less than an inch of rope left.

A punch to the face, was all he needed for an answer, "Okay, so you're sensitive, about it? I can understand that, but one last question. 'Who was bottom'? Because frankly I am concerned, a necrophiliac Bigfoot on the loose is rather disturbing, don't you think so?" He finished with a grin, the ropes were cut, now the meat-heads just had to come close enough for him to grab one of their guns.

Apparently the last barb at his supposed 'parents' was all that buddy needed to approach the chair, no doubt to try and beat the crap out of Jensen, but that was not going to happen.

Just two more feet, and then he could grab the gun, almost home free!

"Okay loudmouth, my name is 'Jeffrey', not hard right? Okay great! Shut up, we have to make a phone-call" Jeffrey condescendingly ordered.

Perfect, the guns are just within reach, but who are they going to call, maybe it's Max, this could be a one in a million chance to get intel on Max. Freezing so his hand was hovering above Frank's gun, he waited poised to grab it and kill his way out, but first, it was time to eavesdrop.

"...okay well Col. you should by now be aware we have something of yours in our possession. We will kill him, unless you meet us at the docks at 0200 tomorrow, you for him", Frank informed the person on the other line.

'Colonel? It must be Clay on the other end, well so much for the fun in eavesdropping...' Jensen thought morosely.

With speed and silence even Cougs would've been proud of Jensen grabbed the gun, and in a matter of seconds executed the two men, and stole both their guns, springing from the cell that had been his home and would be coffin. He took out several more guards outside the door, who were so occupied in their porn-on-demand, they didn't even notice him until it was too late. Now outside and swallowing gallons of dust, he was right back where he started, aggravated and out of material only now it was materiel for transport, not material for jokes, and punches to the face.

'Quick, Jensen think, think, think...where would a car be...?' he thought while searching the yard for anything with wheels, there was no way he would survive on foot, he would be dying of exhaustion and sun-stroke in no time. Aha! Just on the other-side of the dust bowl called a base camp, was a hummer, 'sadly not canary yellow, but now was not the time to complain' he thought gloomily...

Hopping in quickly and quietly into the vehicle, with only two more guys dead, too many dead guards would mean he could get caught, gunshots were not exactly quiet. He reached below the wheel to try and hot-wire it soundlessly, "Okay, how does Pooch do this...? Hmm...? He told me once, ummm, he was so technical about everything what did he say Jensen? THINK! Aha! I remember, 'hot-wiring generally involves connecting the two wires which complete the circuit, then touching the wire that connects to the starter. The specific method of hot-wiring a vehicle is dependent on the particular vehicle's electrical ignition system. Remote start cars use the same wires as conventional ignition methods', okay Jensen, you can do this!".

Slowly scraping the wires together, he prayed to the car gods, Pooch was always whining to, 'please, please, please work!' and then the almost inaudible purr of the engine began, then plodded into a boisterous groan of life. Then with spinning tires and uncontrollable joyous laughter, he peeled out and then booked it out of the camp as if all hell was chasing him, which it very well could be. Pulling up the built-in GPS the hummer had (yet another reason to love hummers, so convenient!) he hacked into Pooch's cell, which if Jensen hadn't been doing the hacking, it would have been damn near impossible! Aha! The team, was only two-hundred miles west, not too far, with good music that is...

[ThreeHoursLater]

Somehow he had found a local satellite to hack and had downloaded some good music, to the pathetic excuse for a music selection, that resided in this beast of a car, now Jensen found himself listening to his song, he somehow would find himself humming, singing, or hearing it during almost every single one of his escapes, and the fact that the rest of the team detested the song didn't fail to hurt the mood! Almost back to base, t-minus five minutes!

 

 

[Clay P.O.V]

It's been four hours since the phone call the sealed Jensen's fate, he was a damn good soldier, a great friend and a fucking irreplaceable part of our team, I hesitated for one instant and then the guns went off, no doubt offing him slowly...

The whole team is in shambles, Cougar has his hat off and has been muttering prayers non-stop since the call, Pooch is talking to Jolene on his phone, Jensen made for him and trying to hold back tears, Aisha is threatening God with earlessness if he allowed Jensen to die, and I am trying to hold this whole team in this room-

'Strangers waiting!  
Up and down the boulevard!  
Their shadows searching in the night!  
Streetlight people!  
Living just to find emotion!', comes blasting through the warehouse, all of us visibly wincing, from the memories the song brings and the volume it is at.

"Pooch, turn that damn song off!" I bark, sounding more sad, then menacing.

"Gosh Colonel, you're ruining the vibe, the song has a certain, I don't know 'pull' to it? Hell, you guys like sports right? Right! Well in sports,the song most notoriously became a cry for the Chicago White Sox in their successful run to the 2005 playoffs, when catcher A.J. Pierzynski and teammates heard the song being played in a bar. The song also was played at critical points during the stretch run of the pennant race, a season which culminated in the team's first World Series championship in over 80 years. The White Sox even invited Journey lead singer Steve Perry to the team's celebration rally, where he sang the song along with several members of the team. I think that would've been pretty sweet don't you? I know right! STEVE FUCKING PERRY! What I wouldn't give for that chance, hell I would trade Cougs hat for that!" a voice ranted from behind me, "OH YEAH! Also in 2008, in a tight battle for first place with the Arizona Diamondbacks in the National League West, the L.A Dodgers began to play it in the middle of the 8th inning at all of their home games! After which, the song was played at Dodger home games throughout the '09 season, much to the chagrin of Steve Perry, a committed San Francisco Giants fan. The song is also commonly played at Pittsburgh Penguins, Detroit Red Wings and Washington Capitals hockey games. I mean like come on guys! Have a little love for the song o' Jensen!"

Turning around, I see in the flesh, Jensen. Mostly unharmed except for a black eye, a few bruises and a couple ribs that look like they are maybe fractured from the way he was holding them, but he is alive...how? We heard the gun go off...?

"Okay, Cougs stop glaring we both know I wouldn't trade your hat, hell you don't even take it off to sleep!" Jensen said with a slightly frightened grin. "Oh Aisha~! You are looking fine! Or it could be the blood loss going to my head, either or! POOCH, my man! You are gonna be so proud! I hot-wired a HUMMER! No, it's not yellow, or even canary anything, but man it was so sweet! You wanna see it? Oh wait, I'm hungry...go by yourself it's right outside!"

Then with the smuggest fucking grin on his face he turns to me, and says "Col! What do we have to eat, I am ready to eat anything at this point, even Jolene's cooking!" and then seemingly without even stopping to breath he calls to Pooch, (who probably would've been just about to chew him out, if we hadn't just learned Jensen was alive) "Just kidding!"

 

 

 

[Jensen P.O.V]

"Well, not that this silence isn't like foreboding and all, but I am HUNGRY! Clay! AISHA! POOCH! Cougs! Someone! FEED ME!" I beg loudly.

Glancing back at Cougs, who like everyone else has yet to move, I grin "Cougs, I am not a mind-reader, use your words, preferably ENGLISH ones, like 'Oh Jensen, you sexy blond merecat, you're home, I was SO worried!', something! The staring is getting old like fast..." I complain, trying to get a usual Cougarish line, like 'C llate idiota', but nothing! Zip, just the CREEPY stare.

Then just out of the blue Cougar is hugging me, Aisha has a hand on my shoulder, Pooch is squishing me and Cougar, and Clay is ruffling my hair...and I'm feeling woozy and hungry, and oh-so-confused, but I'm home so that can wait.


End file.
